Funny ford truck jokes

Funny ford truck jokes DEFAULT

Having a car is convenient. Having a car is supremely perfect. Unfortunately, everything demands the special service, and the most expensive automobiles should be “treated” even more carefully.

Though it is supposed that the cars of the luxury segment are of high quality, they sometimes turn to be the real catastrophes. The Fords, being ones of the most popular vehicles, have the same lacks, what unleash an ironical reaction (as we can only laugh when it is getting worse) and dare a lot of lulz and jokes. Here are some of Ford ones.

Yep, there are the cases when you should make efforts to make your car work, but Fords are among the most troublesome things the car owners ever had! What can they do? Just push it and joke at the situation.

  • Why do they fit heated tailgates to luxury Ford trucks? To keep your hands warm when you pushed them.
  • What is the difference between a Ford and a shopping trolley? A shopping trolley is much easier to push.
  • What’s better, a Ford or a Chevy? Who cares. Will it get me to Walmart?
  • The Ford Explorer, Otherwise known as the Ford Exploder!
  • What did Lincoln say about his experience at Ford theater? He said it was mind blowing.
  • FORD &#; Failure On Research & Development
  • Q: What is the difference between a Ford and a tampon? A: A tampon comes with it’s own tow rope.
  • Why does Ford put magazines in the glove box of their new vehicles? So you&#;ll have something to read while waiting on the tow truck.

When there is no time and energy to crack long jokes (as you have push pushed your car to the top of the hill), but there is the highly sarcastic mood – just call to mind these abbreviation definitions.

  • FORD – Factory Ordered Road Disaster
  • FORD – Fixed Or Repaired Daily!
  • FORD – Found On Rubbish Dump
  • What does FORD stand for? Fords Only Run Downhill
  • Ford Owner Really Dumb
  • FORD &#; Fix Or Recycle Dilemma
  • Four Old Rusted Doors

If you are afraid of the fury of the Ford owners after your direct disses, play with words! Until the moment they realize that you tease them, you will be able to run far away.

  • What do you call a Norwegian prostitute? A Fjord Escort.
  • What was the first car Henry Fordasaurus invented? A Model T-Rex.
  • How can they improve a Ford Focus? Put a Toyota engine in it.
  • The Ford Ranger, Otherwise known as the Ford Danger!
  • What&#;s the difference between a golf ball and a Ford? You can drive a golf ball yards.
  • FORD Freaking Old Rusted Datsin
  • Q: Why are FORD dealers giving away a dog with each FORD sold? A: So the owner has a companion to walk home with.
  • Why are the new Fords lighter? So a Chevy can tow more of them at once.

The wave of Ford anti-fans becomes bigger and bigger every year. We should notice that this wave has pretty cool sarcastic jokes in the archives! It is so cool to tease the Ford owners when you have a car of another brand, but be careful! The Ford fans have the perfect sense of humor. Otherwise, they did not buy the Fords.

  • What’s the difference between a ford and a Mormon? You can shut the door on a Mormon!
  • What do you call a Ford with , miles on it? A lie.
  • Who has the best Ford joke? Ford does. Have you seen their lineup?
  • What is the aim of a Ford concept car? An attempt to keep their car running.
  • What is the Ford owner’s most ardent wish? To buy a car.
  • How do you make a Ford go faster downhill? Turn off the engine.
  • Ford is just another four letter word!
  • Ford-Flipped Over Rebuilt Dodge

There is no life without a battle – and this is between Dodge and Ford. These companies are too different to be compared, though people can turn into reality everything! In form of jokes, but still. These are the two huge companies that are constantly comparing their products. Their fans do the same, however, Fords get much more attention and puns like these.

  • The people who say they would rather push a Ford than drive a Holden usually do.
  • FORD – Funky Old Rebuilt Dodge
  • Why are the latest Fords so aerodynamically designed? It improves the Chevy tow truck’s fuel consumption.
  • What did the Ford say to the Chevy? Would you like a tow home?
  • F.cked Over Rebuilt Dodge
  • Q: What do you call someone who buys a second hand ford?  A: Scrap Dealer!
  • I went to a couple of car dealerships last week. The first I stopped at was Kia. Nothing really caught my eye, but the price was right. Then I went to a Ford dealer. I didn&#;t really find anything I liked, but every car had a pair of shoes in the trunk. Finally, I went to the Chevy dealer where I saw one that I liked. The dealer did the once over with me, then he popped the trunk. Disappointed, I looked at the dealer and said, &#;There&#;s something missing.&#;
    The dealer was puzzled and asked, &#;What?&#; I said, &#;At the Ford dealership I checked out, they had a new pair of shoes in the trunk of every car!&#; Smiling the dealer said, &#;That&#;s so they can walk home!&#;

The Ford company has pretty much of experience: it was founded long ago. So long ago that someone supposes the Pithecanthropus could drive it – and the Fords haven’t changed since that time and will never change in future.

  • What kind of car did Fred Flinstone drive? A ford of course, and it ain’t much different now!
  • What is the aim of a Ford project car? An attempt to keep their car running.
  • Ford, well at least they circled the problem.
  • What did the Toyota say to the Ford on the side of the road? Rust-in-peace.
  • Have You Out Driven a Ford Lately?
  • I tried to download Ford Racing 2 today&#; It crashed.
  • Found on Road Dead
  • Q: Why does the BA XR8 Ute have cup and thermos holders built into the tailgate? A: So when you push the ute you can have a drink at the same time.

One can say that there exists the game – a person gives an abbreviation, and the others try to make as many funny meanings of it, as they can. To play with the FORD acronym is totally kicking off!

  • FORD – Flintstone Or Rubble Driven
  • FORD – Forward Only, Reverse Defective
  • Ford Acronym &#; Flip Over Read Directions
  • For Only Retarded Drivers
  • Foot On Road Decelerates
  • Found On Railroad Deserted
  • Found On Russian Dump
  • Ford Owners Recommend Daywoo

The funny sayings can be really stunning. Check out these ones – we suppose that they can be included in the Ford jests top list.

  • Why do the new FORD Explorers have larger bumpers? To make it easier on the towel trucks.
  • This is Holden country and on quiet nights you can hear Fords rusting.
  • Did you know Jesus had a Ford That&#;s why he walked everywhere
  • You know on a real quiet night you can hear a Ford rusting?
  • If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1, miles to the gallon.
  • Why is this country so far in debt? Because the president drives a Ford.
  • The Ford Escort. Otherwise known as The Ford Escort Me To A Chevy Dealer!

The line of pickups is also the subject of the jokes. Well, if laughing at the company, remember all the cars it makes! Especially the most popular ones. There are the rumors that the Fords brake so frequently that there should be always a track behind them. We hope, it is not true, although the jokes try to prove the opposite.

  • What do the new speed limit signs say on our suburban roads? Max speed – 60 km/h – Fords do best you can.
  • What goes on pages of the Ford’s user’s manual? The train & bus schedule.
  • Buy a Ford and you buy the ‘best’. Drive a mile and walk the rest.
  • Why do they fit ABS braking systems to the latest Fords? So the driver can stop quicker to pick up the fallen off parts.
  • I can dodge a Ford, but can&#;t afford a Dodge…
  • You wanna man that drives a Lexus, but your dad drives a Ford. Why you can&#;t be humble like your mom?
  • Q: What did the HOLDEN say to the Ford? A: Better start running.
  • A man and his dog went out riding one day in a Ford car. When they got out in the country the car broke down and the man, knowing no other way to get his car to town, hitched his dog to the car and then started back. When he arrived in town an officer of the humane society immediately put him under arrest for cruelty to animals. When he was arraigned before court for trial the judge asked the officer what he arrested this man for. The officer stepped up and said, &#;This man was arrested for tying tin cans to a dog&#;s tail.&#;

Those, who say proudly that they hate Fords are definitely brave and bold persons. There are so many adorers of these cars that the pride and honor would melt away when escaping from an infuriated Ford-lovers’ crowd.

  • Driving a ford is like the special Olympics…. even if you win you’re still a retard
  • Friends don’t let friends drive Fords.
  • Ford &#; Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
  • What do you call a Ford with a seat belt? A rucksack.
  • WHAT SHOULD A FORD THUNDERBIRD REALLY BE CALLED? A ford thunderturd
  • I left my Adderall in my Ford Fiesta, It is now a Ford Focus. I can&#;t claim credit for this one, I heard it on one of my favorite streamers&#; streams.
  • Here is a car , you have not been looking for, that leaks oil and a whole lot more, I hope you haven&#;t driven a ford lately.

The Ford owners usually joke at their cars by themselves, but save you the God if you think that you can laugh out loud at their beloved vehicles in their presence! Just keep in mind these disses and enjoy the silent ridicules.

  • Why do they put sidewalks beside most streets and highways? So Ford owners have a safe place to walk home.
  • What do you call a Ford at the top of a Hill? A Miracle.
  • How do you double the value of a Ford Icon? Full the tank with petrol.
  • Q: Why did Ford start putting magnetic bumpers on the back of Ford pick-ups? A: So it would catch all the parts that fell off the guys Ford pick-up.
  • Why are Ford dealers giving away a dog with each Ford sold? So the owner has a someone to walk home with.
  • What do you call two Fords at the top of a hill? A mirage.
  • HOW CAN THEY APPROVE THE NEW FORD TRUCK OR CAR? Put a Chevy engine in it.

Some creative minds could hit upon the idea to define the abbreviations the way they see. To be honest, it is really funny and inspires to think over the meanings of the acronyms we meet in ordinary life.

  • FORD – Formed Of Rejected DNA
  • FORD – Fast Only Rolling Downhill
  • FORD – Final Organ of Reproductive Discipline
  • FORD &#; Fails On Rainy Days
  • FORD &#; Fatally Obese Redneck Driver
  • Frequent Opinion: Really Disappointed
  • FORD -Found Outside Rotting Dump
  • FORD -For Old, Rotten Deadbeat
  • FORD -Forwarded Once; Return Denied

Making fun of Ford speed capabilities is always cheering up the process. Just imagine, how many jokes you will be able to say when driving your snail car!

  • Why does Ford make tractors and Opel not? Because Opel can’t get anything to run that slow.
  • What’s the difference between a golf ball and a Ford? A golf ball can be driven yards.
  • How long does it take for a ford falcon to drive from Sydney to Melbourne? Depends on how fast the car carrier takes to get there!
  • How long can a ford go for without repairs? Depends if you can leave the ford dealer.
  • Ford claims that 90% of its cars are still on the road today. That&#;s pretty bad, apparently only 10% of them made it back home.
  • Today 99% of Fords are on the road the other 1% made it to the car shop.
  • Q: What does the GT stand for on a Ford? A: Glued together!
  • What do you call a Ford Convertible? A mini-skip.

Ford Mustang is a cult car in some degree, however, the jokes about this Ford company product became the classic also. We can joke at Mustangs forever, just like this auto will probably exist.

  • Mustang – pissing off the neighborhood since
  • What should the Ford Mustang really be called? The Ford Rustang.
  • WHAT SHOULD THE FORD MUSTANG REALLY BE CALLED? The Ford Muststink
  • Why does a ford and a tin can have in common? They both rust just as far.
  • I could never keep a Ford under me, I was always under the Ford.
  • What would Chrysler&#;s version of the Ford Focus be called? Chrysler Concentrate.
  • Why do people name their kids Mercedes, Lexus, Porsche when they look like buicks & fords?
  • God make [Naughty Pottyword], Ford gave it wheels

Only when we compare things, we can appraise them. We laughed out loud when saw these ford haters’ sayings. Feel the difference!

  • What is the difference between a Ford and a porcupine? Porcupines have pricks on the outside.
  • What’s the difference between a Ford and the principal’s office? It’s less embarrassing if your friends see you leaving the principal’s office.
  • What’s the difference between a Ford and a Jehovah&#;s Witness? You can shut the door on a Jehovah&#;s Witness.
  • Why Pokemon Go a lifesaver? Because it gives Ford owners something to do while they walk home.
  • This is your brain &#;CHEVY&#;, this is your brain on drugs &#;FORD&#;
  • My friend and I decided to race our Ford Pintos. Mine broke down three miles down the road. I had to walk the rest of the way. I won.
  • I&#;d rather push a BMW than drive a Ford.
  • SPEED KILLS Drive a Ford and live forever.

Well, the dirty disses can really touch the dirt. It is not a joke – the Fords cannot be sexy or arousal at all, as the anti-fans believe; but dirty – of course. Especially after a usual brake and shameful calling for the trucks.

  • That’s not a leak… My Ford’s just marking its territory!
  • What’s worse than a missing toilet bowl? Driving a Ford.
  • Buy a Ford and you buy the best. Drive the first mile and walk the rest.
  • Why do the new Ford Explorers have larger bumpers? To make it easier on the tow trucks.
  • Why does the new Ford Escape parallel park itself? Because white trash can only trailer park!
  • Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. If it wasn&#;t for our Fords, our tools would rust.
  • My father works as a statistician at Ford. He must be pretty well-respected there, people are always asking for his autograph.
  • Ford, Ford, best in town, drive it once, your engines down

It is a real surprise for us, why did the jokers choose an unhappy chicken to be the part of these puns, though we should say it perfectly highlights the dullness of the situations depicted.

  • Why didn’t the chicken cross the road? Because his F got stuck.
  • Why did the chicken cross the road? To push he’s FORD F back into the dealer’s show room.
  • I wanna buy me a Ford truck and push it up and down the road.
  • Why did the blonde stare at the Ford? It said Focus.
  • What&#;s the difference between a Ford owner and a carp? One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
  • Q: What was the first car Henry Fordasaurus invented? A: A Model T-Rex.
  • FORD Backwards&#; Driver Returns On Foot
  • I tried to start up a business as a Ford dealership I lost my focus

The car crashes can blow everyone’s mind, but the Ford owners certainly know that they can get a heart attack and get mad every second they drive their auto. At least, we think they can get.

Eminent Ford Insults Pictures
Ford Insults Pictures

Actually, we can make the two meanings of the word “gay” – but we decided to kill the two birds with one stone and picked both, mixing the pansy boys-drivers of the Fords and just lolable pics.
Funny Gay Ford Humor Pics

Gay Ford Humor Pics

What can be better than the images with the minimalistic Ford sign and some ironic quotes? We suppose – nothing, so share it with you with pleasure.

What Does Ford Stand For Funny
What Does Ford Stand For Funny Picture
Sours: https://memesbams.com/ford-jokes/

Car owners tend to be very protective about the make they drive which makes them easy targets for some gentle ribbing. So if you know a Ford owner, give them some stick with these funny Ford jokes.

And of course if your friends own different makes of cars, just switch out the make in the jokes.

A collection of funny Ford jokes

Funny Ford Jokes

What’s the difference between a Ford and the principal’s office?

It’s less embarrassing if your friends see you leaving the principal’s office.


What’s on pages 4 and 5 of the Ford user’s manual?

The train & bus schedules.


What’s the difference between a golf ball and a Ford?

You can drive a golf ball yards.


What do you call a Ford with , miles on it?

A lie.


What does the GT stand for on a Ford?

Glued together.


What does GT-P stand for on a Ford?

Glued together properly.


Why did Ford put heaters in the tailgates of their new trucks?

To keep the owner’s hands warm when they’re pushing the truck into the shop.


That’s not a leak…

My Ford’s just marking its territory.


Why are the new Ford trucks and cars more aerodynamic?

So they’ll save the Chevy gas when it tows them away.


Buy a Ford and you buy the best…

Drive the first mile and walk the rest.


What should the Ford Mustang really be called?

The Ford Rustang.


What’s the difference between a Ford and a tampon?

A tampon comes with its own tow rope.


What do the new speed limit signs say on our suburban roads?

Max speed: 60 km/h. Fords do best you can.


Did you know that 98% of all Fords ever built are still on the road?

The other 2% made it home.


Why is Pokemon Go a lifesaver?

Because it gives Ford owners something to do while they walk home.


What do you call a Ford with dual exhausts?

A wheelbarrow.


How do you double the value of a Ford Focus?

Fill the tank.


What do you call a Ford at the top of a hill?

A miracle.


What do you call two Fords at the top of a hill?

A mirage.


Why did the cat sleep under the Ford Focus?

Because he wanted to wake up oily.


Did you know that Ford has a new magnetized bumper?

They needed something to pick up the parts that fell off along the way.


Why are there sidewalks beside streets?

So that Ford owners have a safe place to walk home.


Why do the new Ford Explorers have larger bumpers?

To make it easier on the tow trucks.


What did the Chevy say to the Ford?

Would you like a tow home?


How can you improve a Ford Focus?

Put a Toyota engine in it.


What’s the difference between a Ford and a shopping trolley?

A shopping trolley is much easier to push.


Whats the difference between a Ford and a Jehovah’s Witness?

You can shut the door on a Jehovah’s Witness.


What do you call a Ford with a seat belt?

A rucksack.


What did the Toyota say to the Ford on the side of the road?

Rust-in-peace.


What do you call a Ford Convertible ?

A mini-skip.


How do you make a Ford go faster downhill?

Turn off the engine.


What do you call someone who buys a second hand Ford?

A scrap dealer.


Why are Ford dealers giving away a dog with each Ford sold?

So the owner has a someone to walk home with.


A man and his dog went out riding one day in a Ford car.

When they got out in the country the car broke down and the man, knowing no other way to get his car to town, hitched his dog to the car and then started back.

When he arrived in town an officer of the humane society immediately put him under arrest for cruelty to animals.

When he was arraigned before court for trial the judge asked the officer what he arrested this man for. The officer stepped up and said, “This man was arrested for tying tin cans to a dog’s tail.”


I went to a couple of car dealerships last week.

The first I stopped at was Kia. Nothing really caught my eye, but the price was right.

Then I went to a Ford dealer. I didn’t really find anything I liked, but every car had a pair of shoes in the trunk.

Finally, I went to the Chevy dealer where I saw one that I liked.

The dealer did the once over with me, then he popped the trunk.

Disappointed, I looked at the dealer and said, “There’s something missing.”

The dealer was puzzled and asked, “What?”

I said, “At the Ford dealership I checked out, they had a new pair of shoes in the trunk of every car!”

Smiling the dealer said, “That’s so they can walk home!”


Why are the new Fords lighter?

So a Chevy can tow more of them at once.


Why does Ford put magazines in the glove box of their new vehicles?

So you’ll have something to read while waiting on the tow truck.


More Funny Jokes

If you enjoyed our collection of jokes about Fords, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes and laughs including these:

Sours: https://laffgaff.com/funny-ford-jokes/
  1. Twilight fanfiction crossover
  2. Simply sweet snohomish
  3. 25ft pontoon boat cover
  4. Harford county jobs
  5. Pink skull rings

A sixteen year-old boy came home with a brand new Ford F

His parents look at the truck and ask, "Where did you get that truck?!"

"I bought it today," he says.

"With what money?" says his mother.

They knew what a new F cost.

"Well," he says, "this one cost me just fifteen dollars."

The father looks at him like he's

“Doctor, I think I have ADHD. I can never remember where I parked my Ford.”

Doctor: That’s not how ADHD works.

Man: But I keep losing my Focus.

When people ask if you have a Ford or Chevy?

I just dodge that question

Toyota and Ford decided to do a rowing competition

They both got their best teams together and had them compete. The result was a disaster for Ford. The Toyota rowing team beat them by leagues.

Ford had a crisis meeting, hired the best analysts and consultants, and after half a year they came up with a conclusion: The Toyota rowing boat had

I need a new car, I can't seem to hang onto my Fords.

I always seem to lose my Focus.

Henry Ford owned a brothel

He packed the brothel with the most beautiful women in Detroit. Any man could come in and take one out on a date. They were known as the Ford Escorts.

According to J.D. Power, Ford is one of the most reliable brands.

75% of Fords are still on the road. The other 25% made it home.

The new Ford F comes with a heated tailgate.

That way you can keep your hands warm when you're pushing it home in the winter.

Have you heard about Ford's new electric coffee car?

It's the Mach-E Auto.

What’s the difference between a Ford Fiesta and a Ford Focus?

Adderall.

What do you call Harrison Ford making a ven diagram?

Comparison Ford.

I'm worried about my flatmate. In the last week he has recently just purchased himself a new Ford, Tesla, BMW, Toyota

I think he might have a car owner virus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy applies for their driving license

Before starting practicing, of course, they had to pass a theoretical test.

The teacher asks them: «You're on the road at night, and you see 2 lights. What is it?»

And the student answers: «It's a car».

The teacher says: «It narrows down too little. Is it a BMW? A Mercedes? A Fo

A Chevy Silverado, a GMC Sierra, a Ford F, a RAM , and a Toyota Tacoma are driving in convoy

Best pickup line ever

PM, Arrive at the crime scene

- PM, Assess victim. Cause of death: strangulation, victim’s phone and wallet are missing
- PM, Gather evidence. No visible fingerprints, rope used to strangle the victim was found in a nearby trashcan
- PM, Question witnesses. One witness states the murderer was driving away

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got stopped on my Harley and well shit..

I think my license might be in jeopardy..
and all just because of a stupid state trooper
The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over on my bike:
Trooper: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"
Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."
Trooper: "

What do you call a Ford Fiesta out of gas?

A Ford Siesta!

I see the new Ford Bronco is coming out soon.

I bet the glove compartment is absolutely killer.

Ford should manufacturer a sedan called the Ore

It would be the four-door Ford Ore

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Take most Ford and most Dodge modelsnow put the word Anal in front of the model name

Anal charger, Anal challenger, Anal expedition, Anal Fiesta

Mini van roll over results in one fatality.

As the older model Ford Aerostar rolled over the driver was ejected. The vehicle then rolled over the driver, piercing him with the exterior mounted antenna. The driver expired before paramedics arrived.

Medical examiner's report states. The driver died of a Van Aerial Disease.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do ford mustangs and horny people have in common?

They both create accidens willingly.

Which brand of cars can you buy without going over budget?

A Ford!

Ford is working on a special edition O.J. Simpson Bronco

But instead of white it will be Nicole Brown with blood red interior

Harrison Ford just turned up at my AA meeting

I've never seen Han So low

Why are so many Matchbox and Hot Wheels cars Fords?

So kids can get used to pushing them at an early age

Why do you want a Ford?

Because its a-Ford-able

My lucky day! I didn't have enough money for the Honda, but the dealership took pity on me and gave me an old Fiesta.

I couldn't afford an Accord, but I was accorded a Ford.

With Ford v Ferrari being so successful

Chevy has decided to come out with their own movie. Total Recall

At his deathbed, father-of-three Joe tells his wife Joan: "Let John take over the family business." Joan: "Jimmy's better in business. Let John help him." "OK but let Jack have my F" Joan: "But John is better at maintaining it." OK, but let Jack have the Ford Mustang."

Joan: "Can he share it with Jimmy?" Joe sighed and said: "Honey, who's dying - - you or me?"

My friend tries to impress girls by drawing realistic pictures of the Ford F

He is a pick up artist.

My neighbour recently bought a BMW, a Volkswagen, 2 Fords, a Toyota and a Chrysler

I think he's got the car-owners virus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old married couple are reminiscing about their marriage

The husband says to the wife, "Do you remember when we first got married? Lived in that crappy little studio apartment, had that tiny black and white TV, and drove that rusty old Ford? My only consolation was getting to go to bed every night with a hot 22 year old. Now we have this huge house with a

Ford have announced their new car.

But the Ford Siesta has caused some safety concerns.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is fording a swamp.

He's chest-deep in the water and has already crossed a half of the swamp when suddenly something grabs him by the scrotum underwater. The guy stops dead, not knowing what to do. He hears a voice from underwater:

"Plus two or minus two?"

The guy thinks: "okay, I don't know what he's tal

What happens when you leave your ADHD medication in your Ford Fiesta?

It turns into a Ford Focus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

From a distance my boss looks like a young Harrison Ford

Up close he just looks like the cunt that he is.

What does Ford stand for?

Found On Road Dead

My step dad is a super Chevy guy and told me this when I was young, drop your best Chevy/Ford jokes

Can someone describe what this new film "Ford v Ferrari" is about, please?

In Le Mans terms.

Michigan Lawyer: "Well Barney, so you want me to defend you? Have you got any money?"

Barney: "No sir. I ain't got no money, but I do get a Ford Car!"

Lawyer: "Well you can raise money on that. Now let's see, just what do they accuse you of stealing?"

Barney: "A Ford Car."

What is a Ford F?

An F that the bank still owns.

Remember when Ontario

was having a ridiculous increase in Covid 19 infections because of transmission among essential workers and in warehouse workplaces, so the Ford government closed parks and golf courses?

95% of all Ford trucks made in the past 20 years are still on the road.

The rest have been towed home.

Its crazy how much people love Ford Mustangs

I hear they're a real hit with the crowd

Ford and Renault were working on a joint car project

where they combined the Renault Clio with the Ford Taurus.

They gave up when male test drivers couldn't find the car.

In Ford is re-releasing the Bronco

There will be a special edition OJ trim level:

Standard White paint with dark tinted windows, governed to 30 mph, extended range gas tank, and has an undersized glove box.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife, Father and mother in-law, and myself are at dinner. The restaurant is packed. I say, "Service sure is slow tonight." Father In Law, "Tell me something I *don't* know." followed by a smirk. Feigning a smile, I ignore the comment.

A little later into dinner my wife and I are talking about some car trouble we were having this past week. I say, "Ford should really figure out their electrical." Father in law chimes in uninvited, "Tell me something I *don't* know!"

"Ok, 'dad'. Funny.", I think to myself. I again ignore the

I bought the new "Ford" vacuum cleaner, but it doesn't work.

I guess it's the only thing Ford has made that doesn't suck.

American presidents are on a sinking ship!

Ford says: What do we do?

Bush says: Man the lifeboats!

Reagan says: What lifeboats?

Carter says: Women and children first!

Nixon says: Screw the women!

Clinton says: You think we have time?

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An old couple comes into a Ford dealership looking at getting a new truck

Salesman walks them around to a brand new single cab pickup, after all its just the two of them, they won’t need much space.

They hate driving in the big city, so the salesman’s driving, old man rivers in the middle and his wife on the right.

They ride around for a bit and the salesma

Ford is creating a new company to manufacture electric vehicles using Tesla software and batteries.

They're naming it Edison.

If your Doctor spoke like Trump

So it seems you’ve tested positive for the Chinese virus, the so-called Covid NINETEEN, the Corona—nobody knows what to call it, quite frankly. It’s the most amazing thing, no one knew anything about Corona until a few weeks ago.

But the moment I heard about it—the Wuhan flu; it’s also the W

Without a doubt, the Ford F

My favorite pickup line.

Harrison Ford said this joke on Jimmy Fallon

Two cannibals walk by past each other in the woods in opposite directions. Cannibal 1 says to the other, "hey, how's it going?".

Cannibal 2 replies "not so good, I ate something funny".

Cannibal 1: "really ? Like what?

Cannibal 2: "a missionary"

Cannibal 1: "well, how d

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I crashed my Ford a few days ago and went to a mechanic to get it repaired. Later that night I was arrested and my laptop confiscated

In hindsight perhaps I should have said “I crashed my Ford” instead of “I fucked my 15 year old Escort”

What did Richard Nixon say when he bumped into Gerald Ford?

Pardon me.

Why did Harrison Ford Crash his plane?

because he was flying solo and went look no hans

Three men died and went to heaven

Three men died and went to heaven. Where it has been decreed that each person gets a vehicle according to their deeds.
The first man arrives and god asks "How long were you married for?"
"20 Years" said the first man
"And how many times did you cheat on your wife?" God asked
"Uhh 5 ti

Two Ford Fusions collided head-on on the highway.

The good news is that the reaction released enough energy to light up New York City for 3 hours.

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What's the best car to tell a prostitute you own?

A Ford Escort

When Gerald Ford died, he was quite shocked to find himself in hell.

Being upset about this, he found Satan, and confronted him.

"I don't understand why I'm here. I served my Country in an honest and honorable manner, never missed Church, saved Betty from her addiction, and I can't think of a single thing I could have done to deserve going to hell."

Be

Did you know Jesus had a Ford

That's why he walked everywhere

You know what I like about ford?

They circle the problem for you.

Tim Cook was just named as the new CEO of Ford, and I for one am really excited!

Now everyone will have the chance to buy a Ford-Apple car

I tried to start up a business as a Ford dealership

I lost my focus

Three friends die and go to heaven

and meet God at the gate. God tells them that he will give them cars to drive into heaven, but first they have to tell him how many times they cheated on their wives, and they shouldn't bother lying because he has a big record book of every person's actions.

God turns to the first man and ask

You'd think Henry Ford was African

The way he Madagascar

^^^^I'll ^^^^^let ^^^^^^myself ^^^^^^^out

What do you call a party car driven by Harrison Ford?

A Ford Fiesta.

My father works as a statistician at Ford.

He must be pretty well-respected there, people are always asking for his auto graph.

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Ford cars and anal.. If you replace ford with anal you will get some interesting results.

Anal Explorer
Anal Fiesta
Anal Focus
Anal Flex
Anal Fusion

It’s nice to see that celebrities have taken up book writing during the pandemic

One Direction by Kanye West

Guitars by Mel Gibson

Mining by Brad Pitt

Pear Cider by Katy Perry

Ship Building by Tom Cruise

How to Move Things by Jim Carrey

Escape from Prison by Morgan Freeman

American Motors by Harrison Ford

Wild Animals by Wi

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Harrison Ford told me this joke.

A guy is working at a grocery store, when a lady walks in. The lady says "excuse me, sir, where is the broccoli?" He looks around for a second, and says "well, it looks like we're all out of broccoli today. Come back tomorrow and we'll have some more." He goes back to doing his work, and about t

Bad car acronyms. I know a few, you got others?

Ford => Found On Road Dead. or First On Race Day. (Depends if you're a fan)

Fiat => Fix It Again Tony

BMW => Bavarian Money Waster

Subaru => backwards is U R A Bus

Chevrolet => acronym for all the engine problems to expect Cracked

I heard Abe Lincoln was having a fine old time at Ford's Theater

that is until he asked John Wilkes Booth for a headshot.

I visited ford's theater on vacation

Is it wrong that I got a Lincoln shot glass from the gift shop?

My friend is getting a new car - a "tangerine" ford focus. Dad drops this one

Tangerine focus Isn't that the same as orange concentrate?

Doug Ford and Walmart are quite similar

They both love their rollbacks.

Why couldn’t 1 Ford Focus give the other Ford Focus a message?

Broken transmission.

Fords new heated tailgates..

Fords working on a new heated tailgate feature, that way when you have to push it in the snow your hands won't be cold.

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Sent on a golf tour in Newfoundland, Tiger Woods drives his new Ford Fusion into a petrol station in a remote part of the countryside.

The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Newfoundlander manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.

"How's ya gettin' on today, sir" says the attendant.

Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, tw

What do you call a car concentrating on crossing a river?

Ford Focus

Cheating husband dies and makes it to the pearly gates.

St Peter looks at him and says "You were unfaithful to your wife 28 times. Don't worry, you'll be accepted in -- only you won't get a brand new car like those who were more loyal in their marriage"

Confused the man asks "I get a car though?"

St Peter replies "Of course. Everyone needs

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An old man dies and gets to heaven

At the gates, St. Peter tells him "you did well, but you were unfaithful to your wife on many different occasions."

The man new this was true and said "I'm sorry and I'll accept any consequences given to me."

St. Peter said "for this, you'll be given a smokey old Ford to ride, in heave

Three CEOs of car companies are kidnapped.

They are told to either pay $1bn for release, or attempt to escape 3 hazard-filled miles out of the city using any method of transportation they choose.

The first CEO asks for a Ford Mustang. He makes it one mile before being spotted by a group of snipers and eliminated.

The second CEO

Why do hipsters love Harrison Ford?

Because he's Indie!

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What's the difference between a Ford and a tampon?

The tampon comes with a tow rope.

Why did the blonde stare at the Ford?

It said Focus.

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Applying for a sales position

A man goes to apply for a job in a big Walmart. He's interviewed by the personnel manager and asked:

\- Do you have sales experience?

\- Yes sir, I worked selling clothes.

The manager decides to give him a test, so he says:

\- Come to work tomorrow at 9 AM. You'll work al

What would Chrysler's version of the Ford Focus be called?

Chrysler Concentrate

The Goldberg Brothers - Are well known as the Inventors of the automobile Air Conditioner.

Here's a little known fact for automotive buffs, or just to dazzle your friends. The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Maxwell, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, , the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees. 

The four brothers walked

he's not all bad: after an 12 hour shift at a local food kitchen, mayor Rob Ford selflessly turned down a hot meal.

"I've got more than enough to eat at home"

Harrison Ford has broken his ankle.

There will now be a new Star Wars cast.

Pick up lines change as you get older.

In your 20's - I have an original Ford Mustang.

In your 40's - I have an original Picasso.

In your 60's - I have my original hips

I went to a car show but there were nothing but Fords

I guess you could say it was a real Ford Fiesta

A motorist stopped at a country ford and asked an Irishman sitting nearby how deep the water was. "A couple of inches." replied the Irishman. So the motorist drove into the ford and his car promptly disappeared beneath the surface in a cauldron of bubbles.

"That's odd" thought the Irishman. "The water only goes halfway up on them ducks."

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Ford Jokes


Short Ford Jokes

Q: What is the difference between a Ford and a porcupine?
A: Porcupines have pricks on the outside.

Q: What's the difference between a Ford and the principal's office?
A: It's less embarrassing if your friends see you leaving the principal's office.

Q: What goes on pages of the Ford's user's manual?
A: The train & bus schedule.

Q: Why does the new Ford Escape parallel park itself?
A: Because white trash can only trailer park!

Q: Why Pokemon Go a lifesaver?
A: Because it gives Ford owners something to do while they walk home.

Q: What do you call a Ford at the top of a Hill?
A: A Miracle.

Q: What do you call a Norwegian prostitute?
A: A Fjord Escort.

Q: What do you call two Fords at the top of a hill?
A: A mirage.

Q: What do you call a Ford with dual exhausts?
A: A wheelbarrow

Q: What is the Ford owner's most ardent wish?
A: To buy a car.

Q: What do you call a Ford with a seat belt?
A: A rucksack.

Q: How do you double the value of a Ford Focus?
A: Full the tank with petrol.

Q: What did the Toyota say to the Ford?
A: Would you like a tow home?

Q: What should the Ford Mustang really be called?
A: The Ford Rustang.

Q: Why did the cat sleep under the Ford Focus?
A: Because he wanted to wake up oily.

Q: What do you call a Ford with , miles on it?
A: A lie.

Q: Why is this country so far in debt?
A: Because the president drives a Ford.

Q: What was the first car Henry Fordasaurus invented?
A: A Model T-Rex.

Q: Why do they fit heated tail gates to luxury Ford trucks?
A: To keep your hands warm when you pushed them.

Q: Why do the new FORD Explorers have larger bumpers?
A: To make it easier on the towe trucks.

Q: Why are FORD dealers giving away a dog with each FORD sold?
A: So the owner has a companion to walk home with.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To push he's FORD F back into the dealer's show room.

Q: Do you know why ford is making new heated tailgates?
A: So when your pushing it home in the winter your hands stay warm.

Q: Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
A: Because his F got stuck.

Q: Why are the latest Fords so aerodynamically designed?
A: It improves the Chevy tow truck's fuel consumption.

Q: What is the aim of a Ford concept car?
A: An attempt to keep their car running.

Q: What is the difference between a Ford and a tampon?
A: A tampon comes with it's own tow rope.

Q: How can they improve a Ford Focus?
A: Put a Toyota engine in it.

Q: What did the Toyota say to the Ford on the side of the road?
A: Rust-in-peace.

Q: Why do they fit ABS braking systems to the latest Fords?
A: So the driver can stop quicker to pick up the fallen off parts.

Q: How do you make a Ford go faster downhill?
A: Turn off the engine.

Q: What's the difference between a golfball and a Ford?
A: A golf ball can be driven yards.

Q: What is the difference between a Ford and a shopping trolley?
A: A shopping trolley is much easier to push.

Q: What do the new speed limit signs say on our suburban roads?
A: Max speed - 60 km/h - Fords do best you can.

Why did the Ford cross the road?
To pick up the bits it lost yesterday.

Q: Why do they put sidewalks beside most streets and highways?
A: So FORD owners have a safe place to walk home.

Q: Why does Ford make tractors and Opel not?
A: Because Opel can't get anything to run that slow.

Want to hear a car joke?
Ford Fiesta.

What should you do if you find three Ford owners buried up to their neck in cement?
Get more cement.

What's the difference between a Ford owner and a carp?
One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent own a Ford.

Ford, Ford, best in town, drive it once, your engines down

A blonde once asked me "If they are called Mustangs then why can't you saddle then up and say Giddy-up".

yo mama so dumb she bought a Ford from the dealership and sat in it for two days because it said Focus

Ford Bar Jokes

Ford Mottos

"Have you out-driven a Ford lately?"

"Speed kills. Drive a Ford and live forever!"

"That's not a leak. My Ford's just marking it's territory."

"You might own a FORD if you keep getting sympathy cards from the dept of transport."

"I could never keep a Ford under me, I was always under the Ford."

"Friends don't let friends drive Fords."

"I'd rather push a BMW then drive a Ford."

Buy a Ford, Be a lord.

"Ford Escort me to a Toyota dealer."

Ford One Liners

Why do people name their kids Mercedes, Lexus, Porsche when they look like buicks & fords

If your Bentley is taking up 2 parking spaces, then okay. I get it. But a Ford Focus? I feel obligated to deflate your tires now.

So you're in high school and you drive a Ford Mustang? You must know all about hard work then.

Today 99% of Fords are on the road the other 1% made it to the car shop.

Here is a car , you have not been looking for, that leaks oil and a whole lot more, I hope you haven't driven a ford lately.

I would give both my testies for a Ford Mustang.

You wanna man that drives a Lexus, but your dad drives a Ford. Why you can't be humble like your mom?

Henry Ford Goes to Heaven
Henry Ford dies and goes to Heaven.
At the gate, St Peter tells Henry Ford: "Well, you've been such a good guy, invented the car, changed the world. As a reward you can hang out with anybody in Heaven of your choice."
So Henry Ford thinks about it and says: "I would like to hang out with God himself?"
So St Peter takes him directly to God's thrown and Henry Ford starts by saying: "God, I don't want to sound biased, but you have some major design flaws in Your invention, the Woman.
1. There's too much front end protrusion
2. It chatters at high speeds
3. The rear end wobbles too much
4. The intake is too close to the exhaust."
"HMMMM" says God and goes over to the Celestial Super Computer, types in a few key strokes, and waits for the results.
He then turns to Henry Ford and says; "It may be that My invention is flawed, but according to the stellar computer more men are riding My invention then your's".

Ford Acronyms

First On Rubbish Dump

Factory Ordered Road Disasters

Fix Or Repair Daily

Found On Roadside Dead

Flip Over Read Directions

Found On Road Deserted

Forget Out Running Danie

Female On Road Driving

Flipped On Reverse Detonator

F.cked On Race Day

Four Old Rusted Doors

Freaking Old Rusted Datsin

Ford Owners Recommend Daywoo

Fast Only Rolling Downhill

Ford Owner Really Dumb

Fixed On Race Day

F.cked Over Rebuilt Dodge

Found on Road Dead

For Only Retarded Drivers

Freaking Only Runs Downhill

Failure On Research & Development

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Jokes funny ford truck

What are you, they will unscrew my head for luxury. - Well then, we'll find something simpler. Okay, get out.

Things you will find in a ford

Hoping to see firsthand her pussy, he apparently overdid it, with excessive pressure on her delicate skin. Lera tensed like a spring, squeezing her hips and buttocks. She didn't throw his hand away, she just opened her big eyes, and looked sternly. Into his brown eyes. The man, as if stung, immediately removed his playful hands, and invited her to turn over.

Now discussing:

Okay, Linda, I'm ready, announced her aunt. Hearing this, Linda leaned back and parted her buttocks, showing me her little brown hole and outlines, pussy. " Auntie did not waste time applying cold cream around and only lubricated the inside of her anus and then inserted the.



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